Scenes for Small Actors: Chapter 3

SCENE OUT OF CONTEXT

A room with something missing.
May.

MINO enters awkwardly.
He wears nothing under his overalls.
The light looks as though it came in by accident.


MINO
Nothing was rising.
Too God-damned cold, anyway.
No point in freezing.

I won’t stand all day
Like a flamingo, my balls
Bobbing like ice caps

For a fucking fish!
Bloody ghost trout? Hell, I am
Just hungry, not proud!

A proud man loiters
In arctic water, but he
Don’t come out a man.

MINO warms himself by an imaginary heater.

I’m not proud. Hell, I’ll
Eat fish out of a can the
Way God intended.

Easier that way.
I only got one pan and
It’s dirty besides.

MINO scratches an itch and moves to a modest table and chair for a quiet lunch.

Sometimes cans sit so
Long on the grocery shelf
The labels peel off

And are lost. Then I
Flirt with the clerk and she gives
’em to me – no charge.

Course, I learned the hard
Way that tuna packed in brown
Gravy is for cats.

But I’m not dumb. The
Average person don’t know a
tuna from a trout.

Mae couldn’t tell a
Turtle from a tree squirrel –

An offstage scream. Enter MAE in barefeet. She scampers to the safety of MINO’s lap.

MAE
Holy fucking shit! Holy shit! God-damn fucking Christ! It’s in the – fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Bathtub! It’s in the bathtub! It looked at me! It looked at me! It fucking looked at me!

MINO is laughing.

MAE
Fuck! Go – go shoot it or something!

MINO is still laughing.

MAE
What is your problem?

MINO
(defensively) What?

MAE
That thing could be rabbit!

MINO
Rabbit?

MAE
Yes, rabbit!

MINO
It’s a rabbit?

MAE
No, it could be rabbit!

MINO
Then what is it?

MAE
I don’t care what it is. It could have rabbis!

MINO
Rabbis?

MAE
Rabbis!

MINO
Is it a synagogue?

MAE
You know what I’m fucking talking about. Like bats –

MINO
Bats?

MAE
Yes! Bats!

MINO
There are bats in the bathtub?

MAE
No!

MINO
You lost me.

MAE
(like a little teapot) Like God-damn Old Yeller!

MINO
It’s a –

MAE
NO! It’s not a dog!

MINO feigns Eureka.

MINO
Rabies?

MAE
Rabies?

MINO
Rabies.

MAE
What. Ev. Er. It. Looked. At. Me.

She looks him in the eyes.

Like. This.

MINO
Let’s fuck.

MAE storms outside. She comes back in wearing Wellingtons and carrying a shotgun.

Mae –

MAE lets out an aggravated whooping war cry as she charges into the bathroom. A shot is heard. A long silent pause. With the gun in one hand and a dead squirrel in the other, MAE returns.

MAE
There’s a hole in the bathtub.

BLACKOUT.